Fingers or Tongue?
When I started this journey my adoption social worker suggested I journal my experience. Which I had every intention of doing. Journaling is something I do, sporadically at best. For this major life-event I am committed to faithfully journaling publicly and privately.
Early on in the process I discovered the World Wide Web of Blogging and immediately I was intrigued.
I decided to venture into this brave new and alluring world and publicly journal my adoption adventure. I thought it would be a great way to keep my family and friends up- to -date and educate them on the process, on their time and terms. I am certainly willing to blab on and on about this experience to anyone who wants to listen. But I thought this would be a great way for my inter-circle to have control over my blabbing.
Once I became aware of the world of blogging I began to hear about it every where. I went from “I don’t know what I don’t know” to “ I now know what I don’t know”. This area of the Johari’s Window is where the blind spots are, i.e. I went from ‘ignorance is bliss’ to ’a enough information to be dangerous’.
Being fully aware of the this danger zone I have proceeded with caution. I have kept my posts benign. I have stayed away from stating my opinion or negative thoughts or feelings about anyone or anything. For two very good reasons: 1) This blog is purely a way to journal and share my adoption experience. I will be sharing this with Hazel someday. 2) These words are indelibly imprinted on the virtual history records. i.e. I don’t want my words to haunt me. Bottom line - I don’t want to regret anything I write for my daughter’s sake. This is her journey as much as it’s mine. I am the keeper of documenting this journey. I am fully aware of that responsibility and I will do my best to honor that.
I do keep a private journal of all the thoughts and feelings that have bubbled up during this very emotional process. I do realize how therapeutic it is to get it out, weather or not I really believe what I write. These thoughts and feelings are very real in the moment, but they don’t reflect my true state of being. They are just the festering of the raw stuff that has to come out in order to seek the true meaning of my thoughts and feelings. And that my friends is what I don’t want indelibly etched in cyber space.
There are many topics that I have casually thought about that I have never truly pondered, until now. Which is what I do in my private journal, ponder. Sometimes strong opinions have surfaced. I let other opinions brew, keeping my heart and head open for more information before I translate them into a piece of me.
I most admit that many times I have wanted to broadcast on the www. strong thoughts or feelings about certain topics. Blogging is alluring. It’s a tempting environment to share. Particularly when I read very eloquently shared opinions, thoughts and feelings on other’s blogs. I am tempted by the fruit of others. I think I have done a pretty good job of not letting my fingers betray my self imposed rules. A lesson in filtering my tongue could learn. I wish my tongue had backspace-delete capabilities.
So, if you find my blog mundane, fluffy, and not controversially - wonderful. That’s my goal.
I will save for my tongue’s pleasure what my fingers itch to share about my latest, sometimes fleeting, opinions on child rearing, international adoptions, certain comments on well known rumor sites, comments on other’s blogs or on life in general. If actions speak louder than words, I believe in this virtual world the words my fingers type become my actions. Therefore, I will keep my strongest opinions for my tongue to share with those who (or is it whom?) are inclined to ask.
I must admit I have written some interesting stuff. Maybe someday I will write a book and then you will have to pay to read the juicy stuff. ; ~ )
How do you prefer to share your opinions, fingers or tongue?
