I will be in Toronto for a 5 days. It’s a work thing. I am hoping to re-charge the emotional batteries while I am away.
I will miss the boyz, Kesu, Cooper and Harry. Although I won’t miss Cooper tormenting Harry the cat. That is exactly what he is doing right now. Every time I get on the computer my little baby can not stand it. He wants my undivided attention. Oh boy, he is in for a big shock when Miss Hazel comes home.
Cooper is 8 months old now and I do believe he has the temperament to be a therapy dog. I will start his training this fall. He is well on his way. He is the neighborhood therapy dog. Young and old alike love him. He is the cutest damn dog on the planet and the personality to match. When we are out on one of our four daily walks, he gets a lot of attention.
The other day a women and her husband were on the way to chruch. As they drove by I saw her get all excited when she saw Cooper. The next thing I know the car is backing up, on a one way street. She jumped out of the car, came running over and squealing how cute he is. Yup, I know. That’s about all I could say. Coop and I were both a little stunned. But I did notice he was prancing a little bit more the rest of the way home. Male ego?
I am not sure how this posted turned into one about the Coop! I am really going to miss the little guy.
Any way off to do my errands, pack and fly away….
Bye bye!
I work part time at the city library for an adult literacy program. Imagine the great shame and secret that adults with low literacy skills hide from their family, friends, coworkers, and employers. Then imagine that person walking into the library, The Shrine of Reading, and asking for help. If it were you could you do it?
Asking for help is one of the hardest things to do for most of the people I know. Including me! Life happens and sometimes we need to go deep inside and find the inner strength to ask for help. The kind of help that carries us through life.
A lot of life has been happening in my world these last two weeks. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to post it all here, out in cyberlife.
The decision to send this message out into the world kept me up all night. Why? Because, I was searching for that inner strength.
I need to find the strength to be the best sister I can be, a brave friend, a devoted employee and the strength to know when to ask for help.
Life has happened in a big way to many of the people I love the most.
Last night it took all the courage I could muster to not breakdown and cry as my 37 yr. old, recently engaged to the love of her life, best friend was explaining her doctor’s prognosis for her breast cancer. She has an aggressive type of breast cancer that requires a bilateral mastectomy, chemo and possible radiation.
Over the past two weeks I have been trying to prevent my sister, who refuses to treat her bipolar illness with paranoid schizophrenia tendencies, from becoming homeless. She refuses to talk to me because she believes that I am conspiring to harm her. I have been trying to support her partner who after 17 years of living through hell has decided to call it quits. They have two children 10 and 8. I dearly love my niece and nephew. It breaks my heart that they have to deal with all of this. They live in Tennessee. Which feels like a million miles away.
A dear friend that I work with lost her 37 yr. old brother to a heart attack. His wife has fallen apart and can no longer care for their 5 yr. old and a 3 month old. The family’s life has been ripped apart.
Another dear friend at work has been diagnosed with two tumors, one in the face and the other in the throat. The doctors won’t know the prognosis until they biopsy the tumors in the operating room.
None of this is happening to me. It’s happening to people I love and care about and I cannot stop it.
Life happens. No one deserves any of this. I once read a quote that goes something like this, “Asking life to be fair, is like asking a charging bull to stop because you don’t eat red meat.”
Life is fragile. I am not asking for fair, I am asking for the strength to be a brave, courageous, tender, loving, supportive friend, and most of all to be present to enjoy the moments that make life happen.
I have role models in my life, every day people, who I am teaching to read and they are teaching me about finding the strength and courage to ask for help.
Please help me. I need all the help I can get on this one. How have you supported a loved one? Please share with me your stories.
Eleven Months and Counting
I am expecting!
I few months ago I can honestly say I did not feel that way. It has taken awhile for all of this to sink in. When I started this process I knew it was going to take awhile. Initially it was because I was on my agency’s singles list. I started the process in January ’06 and I wasn’t able to submit my dossier until December ’06.
On May 2 ’06 my agency called. A single woman in process backed out. I was able to submit my dossier. I prepared my dossier lickady split. It was sign, sealed and delivered to my agency on July 24th. It would have been sooner. But I was waiting on my immigration approval, which took 9 weeks.
At that point I was still under the delusion that is would be about 18 months. Financially that worked for me.
As the realty of the wait unfolded I began to doubt that this would even happen. Month after month I have chased the “gotcha moments” of others. Watching it happen, reading the stories of other adoptive parents feeling like I do. Reassuring those of us waiting that at the end of this wait is a precious baby, my baby.
Slowly it has begun to sink in. I see the waiting parents in line before me being matched and I see others in line behind me. It’s happening, slow as it may be the matches are happening.
At this point there is absolutely no evidence pointing to it not happening. I am going with that. I know anything is possible. China could shut down, I could be thinner, and things could happen to me while I wait. Would, could, should… I have never let those 3 words dictate my course in life. I am not going to start now!
I am expecting!!!
